jokes anyone?

Discussion in 'The Country Club - General Talk' started by fabbinman, Sep 16, 2008.

  1. qwik

    qwik Member

    A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter.

    After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."
     
  2. HotRodCarts

    HotRodCarts Cartaholic

  3. qwik

    qwik Member

    An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells "Super Pussy!
    " The old man says "I'll have the soup."
     
  4. HotRodCarts

    HotRodCarts Cartaholic

  5. JRay

    JRay Cartaholic

  6. qwik

    qwik Member

    So the other day I went to the supermarket, and I was there for literally 5 minutes.
    When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket.
    So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
    He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi lover.
    He glared at me and ...started writing another ticket for worn tires!
    So I then asked him if his psychiatrist makes him lie face down on the couch cause he's so ugly.
    He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.
    Then he started writing a third ticket!
    This went on for about 20 minutes... the more I insulted him, the more tickets he wrote.
    I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner.
     
  7. HotRodCarts

    HotRodCarts Cartaholic

  8. qwik

    qwik Member

    Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls?
    A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice.
    :kicknuts:
     
  9. HotRodCarts

    HotRodCarts Cartaholic

  10. qwik

    qwik Member

    Q: What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
    A: A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
     
  11. HotRodCarts

    HotRodCarts Cartaholic

  12. HotRodCarts

    HotRodCarts Cartaholic

    Husband and Wife Christmas Shopping

    A couple were busy in the shopping center just before Christmas.
    The wife suddenly noticed the husband is missing and they had a lot to do so she called him on his mobile.
    The wife said where are you? You know we have a lot to do.
    He said do you remember that jewelers we went to about 10 years ago and you fell in love with the diamond neckless?
    I couldn't afford it at the time and said one day I would get it for you?
    Tears started to flow down her cheeks and she got all choked up... Yes I do remember that shop she replied.
    Well I'm at the gun store right next to the jewelers.
     
  13. dirtysouth

    dirtysouth Sponsor

    CAN I ASK EVERYONE A BIG FAVOR?
    Those of you who are putting up Christmas lights in your yards, could YOU PLEASE avoid putting anything RED or BLUE or FLASHING.
    Every time I drive, I think it's the police and get panic attacks. I have to take my foot off the accelerator, toss my beer, fasten my seat belt, throw my phone
    On the floor and push my gun under the seat. It's a big drama.
    Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.
     
  14. HotRodCarts

    HotRodCarts Cartaholic

  15. JRay

    JRay Cartaholic

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